Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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