Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize