if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
