Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
