I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
