My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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