I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
