i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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