Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
