I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
