Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
