So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
