We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
