tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
