Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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