She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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