THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
