im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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