Define "chronic" masturbator.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
