Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
