I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
