as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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