So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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