i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize