Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
