I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize