very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
