i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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