What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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