I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
