The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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