dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do vagina's smell?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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