I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
