dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
