Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I understand Curling. That high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
