i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
