just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
