Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
