JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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