Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
