would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
