it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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