I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
