Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
