I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just google imaged poop.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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