He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
