My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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