as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
