Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
