Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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