Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
