I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
