It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
