Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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