I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
