you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
