please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
