Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
