im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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