I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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