Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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