@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
