After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
