I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
