I would go down on you faster than GM stock
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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